5 Steps Back but 10 Steps to Push Forward.

It’s been a while since I've blogged about my journey on becoming heart healthy and I felt like today was a good day to start blogging again. Many may wonder why I’m so open about my medical history with regards to my heart, well, I've got two reasons why I do it. First, I want to make awareness of the importance of taking care of your health and heart. I was 24 when I had my heart attack – young, healthy, and no family history of heart issues. By making my story known, maybe others will be aware of the importance of taking care of your health also that no one should EVER ignore the signs of a heart attack. The second reason that I blog is it helps me “deal” with the issue but also it brings a sense of “healing” to me. I don’t know why it brings “healing” to me but for some reason it does.

The last time that I blogged was back in November of 2012. So, let me catch everyone up to speed on how I've been doing and where I am today. Well, over the past 2 plus years I've been feeling absolutely wonderful! I've had a couple of stress & echo tests and have passed with flying colors. I've been able to get into good workout routines and achieve new goals. Oh, some of the biggest news, I also met the love of my life and got engaged too – the big wedding date will be October 17, 2015!

Since I had been doing extremely well over the past 2.5 years, I was completely horrified & upset when I had a heart episode a little over two weeks ago. Thursday, March 5 will be a day that I never forget – a day of absolute fear. I was in Wakefield, VA attending a week long course for work. We had just returned from lunch and I was sitting in my chair paying attention to the class. I think it was right around 1:15- 1:30 PM when I noticed my chest starting to hurt. My first initial thought was I think I’m having some acid reflex, this should go away soon. Well, the pain was starting to get worse and I could feel my heart starting to race. I knew at this point that it wasn't acid reflex -- acid reflex has never made my heart race and nor did I eat anything to cause the reflex.  I grabbed my purse because I knew I needed a nitro tablet.  I started digging through my purse and couldn't find the pill bottle and I was becoming frustrated because I knew it was in there. I didn't want to cause a big scene in class, so I decided to go into another room where I could empty my purse. The minute I stood up to leave the room, my heart rate was going even faster and I felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest. At this point, I knew this was something serious and I needed some assistance. I told one of my friends from class to come with me to the back room.

As we got to the other room, I calmly told her that that I was having some chest pain and I needed my nitro but I couldn’t find it. I sat down on the floor and we started going through my purse and that is when the pain really started to intensify and the tears really started to flow.  We finally found the nitro pill bottle and I took my first pill. I was really starting to cry and I was in a lot of pain. My friend went into the classroom to get some more help. Let me just say, being in the EM field, does have its perks as the class roster consisted of plenty paramedics. One of the paramedics came back and I explained what was going on – chest pain, neck pain, heart racing, nausea, and a history of a heart attack. I had told him that I took 1 nitro pill and he said to take another. It was decided that 911 needed to be called. After another 5 minutes, I took another nitro because I wasn't feeling any better and my chest was continuing to hurt. I was continuing to cry hard and scream in pain. At this point, a few others had come back into where I was at to offer help.

The class I was attending was in Wakefield – it’s a very rural area, so it took the ambulance over 20 minutes to get there. Once they arrived, it was noted that my heart rate was 170! (Normal heart rate is between 60-100). They loaded me up and we were on our way to the nearest hospital -- which by the way, was over 50 minutes away. Needless to say that was the longest ride ever. Also, I have horrible veins so the paramedic couldn't get the IV started.

After getting to the hospital, it was determined that I was NOT having a heart attack at that time; however, sometimes blood work is the only thing that shows a heart attack.  I was also still having chest pain and my heart rate will still well above 100. This all reminded me of what had happened in Indianapolis, the EKG didn’t show a heart attack but the blood work is what showed it. It was decided that I needed to be admitted for observations and for the blood work to be done 3 more times over the next 24 hours.  I was concerned that I wasn’t at the hospital where my cardiologist was.  I wanted her to know what was going on and she knew all of my history. However, I found out that the cardiologist that I was seeing at the hospital I was at knew my cardiologist and would call her right away.

For the next 24 hours, I had numerous blood work tests, a stress test, and an echo test. All of my results for any indication of a heart attack came back negative. Thank the lord! I was so happy to hear that. However, the doctors knew that something was going on yet because the episode that I had the day before just doesn't happen. While I was doing my stress test, it was noted that I do have an irregular heartbeat. That was news to me. I had never heard of that before.

After my doctors had talked with each other, it was decided that the episode that I did have the day before was caused by a skipped heartbeat. They believe that my heart skipped a beat and it caused my heart to play “catch-up”, which ultimately made my heart rate get extremely high and caused the pain. So what does this mean? Honestly, I don’t know and the doctors are not certain yet. It’s unclear why it happened it just did.  Kind of like my heart attack – it just happened.

With not knowing all the answers, my heart doctor ordered a heart monitor to be worn for 30 days to see if they can track down why I’m having some issues.  I am still having some irregular heartbeats but they are not constant – that’s another piece of the puzzle to figure out.

I got my heart monitor this past Wednesday and have been wearing it ever since.  To tell you the truth, I absolutely hate it. It’s a constant reminder that something’s going on. The monitor isn’t easy to hide so I don’t like that. The patches (even though they are skin sensitive) are still leaving a rash. I am counting down the days until I can take it off for good – April 16 cannot come soon enough! Luckily, I’ll get it off the day before I head back to OH! Even though I absolutely hate wearing it, if it helps my cardiologist figure out what’s going on and solve the issue, then it’s well worth it.  

There has been some discussion that I may have Supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) or some kind of heart arrhythmia's. Or, it could have simply been just a one-time episode.  It honestly freaks me out but with good doctors, support from family and friends, positive outlook, and a continued push of becoming healthier, things will be just fine.

I've got to give a shout-out to my amazing fiancé, Allen, who has been INCREDIBLE through all of this. He’s been by my side through all of this and provides me with the strength I need.

This may have been 5 steps back but I know I’ll push 10 steps forward. 

Full of Determination & Ready to Fight!

Good evening all. I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. I had a phenomenal weekend; I was able to make the trip back to OH for a few days. It was refreshing being able to hang out with the family and see some friends of mine.

I wanted to give an update from my last post. As I mentioned in my last post, I met with my new cardiologist and the tests for finding out why I had the heart attack has started.  I met with my hematologist a few weeks ago and did a series of blood tests; I haven’t received the results yet, I have an appointment with him in the next few weeks to discuss the results.

I had an echocardiogram done past Wednesday and that test was a little overwhelming. I had this test done the day I had my heart attack, so I knew kind of what to expect; however, it was more than what I thought it was going to be.  To those of you who do not know what an echocardiogram is it’s simply a test that uses sound waves to create a moving picture of the heart; it allows the doctor to see the heart beating, heart valves, and other structures of the heart. It’s a painless test but can provide some very detailed important information.

I spent 90 minutes with the two technicians who performed the test. I became a little concerned after awhile because they spent at least 60 minutes performing the test on the left side of my heart. Panic finally set in and I remember asking what was going on. The technician, who I actually found out was the lead technician and wrote my report, said that they were just being thorough because of my past history and also said that the LAD (left anterior descending artery) showed signs of damage and they were certain that is where I had my heart attack. One of the technicians said this was common and where most of the heart attacks occur. I was instantly in a state of confusion. I was told by my doctors in Indianapolis that my heart attack occurred in a small artery; I was never told it was in the LAD.  Finally the test was over and I was told my doctor would call me with the results in a few days.

Next was the waiting game. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were pretty rough for me.  I was incredibly anxious and to make it worse, I was playing phone tag with my doctor on Friday. Finally, at around 5:30 on Friday, I received the call from the doctor. I wasn’t expecting what she was about to tell me. As I sit here trying to write this blog, I can’t fight back the tears. I’ve been strong through this entire process, yes I’ve had my meltdowns, but I think this is one of the toughest times I’ve had since the day of my heart attack.

The doctor informed me that my heart function levels on the left side (tip) of the heart had decreased. She said she compared the results from my last test (day of heart attack) and the one that was just performed and it had dropped. So what does this mean? To be honest, I’m not really sure. The doctor has ordered a stress test, heart MRI, and more blood work. She isn’t sure why my levels are dropping but said that it isn’t normal and with only being 26 years old, she’s determined to find out why. She said this could be related to some inflammation surrounding the heart, but couldn’t say that that for sure. I’ve been put on more medication as well. She could sense the panic in my voice and told me to not freak out just yet. She said she would do everything and anything to help the situation. She said she would order the tests and would be performed in two-to-three weeks.

After I got off the phone with her, I was in complete shock. When she called, I had just got to Kroger and when I got off the phone, I went into the store and just walked around. I had actually forgotten what I had gone to the store for. As I was walking around the store, one question kept coming to mind: why? Ever since I was told the results, I still keep asking that question.  But will I ever know the answer to why? I don’t think I will.

Over the past 24 hours, I’ve found myself, several times, pacing back and forth around my apartment.  I’m a mixed bag of emotions: fear, anxious, anger, and sadness. However, my friend, Liz, (who had the heart transplant and is doing well BTW!) comes to mind when this happens. I think of what she has gone through and what she continues to go through and a feeling of strength comes to me. Liz has put a whole lot of trust and faith into God and doesn’t ask the question of why it has happened to her. This reminds me of what I need to do; I need to put trust into the man upstairs. Even though Liz is younger than me, she has become my role model.

To be honest, I’m so incredibly scared of what the next couple of weeks will bring, but I know everything will be alright.  Two of my biggest strengths that I have are the following: determination to face every fear and also fight through it. You can bet that I’ll be using these traits the next couple of weeks. This journey has been a rollercoaster, and even though I’m on the downside and may have a hill to climb, I’ll get to the top.



This picture was just taken today of my niece, Chloe (In the front).  When I look at this picture, I think of her telling me to not give up and and keep on fighting. It brings a smile to my face. Being an aunt is everything!



Thorough but frustrating

Good Wednesday evening to y’all. I just settled in from a long day of work and an intense Zumba workout. I haven’t been to a Zumba class since I moved to Virginia and it sure did feel good to get back into it. I may not be all that coordinated and look a bit on the silly side but it’s a workout that I enjoy. Taking out the frustrations of my day with some dancing and jumping is one of my favorite ways to release that bundled up energy. I highly recommend the class to anyone and everyone.

In my last post I had mentioned that I had a cardiologist appointment on Tuesday of this week, well I’d like to discuss that appointment and the cascading events in this post. Again, my overall goal of my blog is to bring awareness regarding heart issues and reasons why it’s so incredibly important to keep your heart healthy. I’ve got a bit off track with keeping my heart healthy and I’m ashamed of myself. I hope through this post about this week’s events will stress to everyone how important it is to stay healthy. I know I cannot stop a heart attack from happening, but I do know that I can do everything in my power to make my body as healthy as I can; everyone can.

I met with my cardiologist on Tuesday morning and I was extremely nervous. I was not only meeting a new doctor but it was also my 18 month checkup. Wow. I cannot believe it’s been 18 months since that day, the day that my life changed. Prior to the appointment, I was fighting with my anxiety.  I always get extremely anxious before my appointments. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I felt a sense of calmness overcome me. I can’t explain why or how this happened, it just did. It was the weirdest but most amazing feeling ever. I’m just going to say it was the man upstairs.

So, I finally was called back by the nurse and went into the exam room. The nurse was extremely friendly and that also calmed the nerves. We briefly discussed my history and an EKG was performed. The cardiologist finally came in and I also discussed the history with her. She was in utter shock with the fact that a 24 year old had a heart attack. She questioned why I had the heart attack but I told her the doctors in Indianapolis chalked it up to “bad luck”.  She didn’t like this answer.

After a quick exam (listening to lungs & heart), she said that everything sounded good. She also said my EKG looked good as well. My pulse was a little on the high side, but she agreed with me that it was most likely from the nerves. If she wasn’t concerned about it, there was no need for me to be.  The game plan for what she wanted to do was discussed next. Her biggest question was why I had the heart attack and since no one could figure it out, she said she was determined to. I cannot tell you how good that was to hear. I must say that I’m beyond frustrated with my previous doctor in Indy for just saying it was “bad luck”. I want an answer and I’m now hopeful that she may figure it out.

With wanting to know the answer comes more tests. Not only is she trying to find out the answers but also wants a thorough check.  I understand why she wants this but this is where my frustration comes into play. Maybe I’m just being my stubborn self, which is most likely true, but having to have more tests done just reminds me that I did have a heart attack. I think there is some fear with this as well.  I’m afraid something will be found. I must remind myself that everything will be just fine and that I’d much rather know if something is wrong now then to find out when it’s too late.

She referred me to a hematologist and I have that appointment tomorrow morning. She would like to rule out blood clotting disorders. I will have an echocardiogram done in two weeks, which is a pretty normal test to have done. Before I left the office, I had to have a series of blood tests done; the basic blood work (red/white blood cell counts, liver & kidney functions, diabetes, and cholesterol). She called me this morning and told me my results: everything was normal except the liver and cholesterol. She stated that my liver test results were a little on the high side. She didn’t understand why it was high but said she would wait a little bit and retest it again in a month and a half.  

I had a feeling my bad cholesterol would be high and I was right. I’m ashamed of myself because of it. I’ve had high cholesterol before and was on medication for it. However, due to horrible side effects (muscle aches) I was taken off of it. My cardiologist felt that it was important to get back on medication to get it under control. I’m going to be trying a different medication and hoping that I don’t have the severe side effects from it. I’m ashamed of myself because I know that I can be eating better and helping myself with the cholesterol problem. I mentioned before in this post that I’ve got a bit off track with keeping my heart healthy and this is why. I know that I need to improve my eating habits and this was an eye-opener. I’m trying my hardest to be able to get off the medications and to have to be prescribed another one, which I could potentially have prevented, is shameful and frustrating. I’m going to get myself back to eating healthy and hopefully be able to get off, and remain off, the medication.

I know that eating healthy is hard. But I do not want to have more problems because of eating poorly. I’ll be damned to let plaque buildup and cause another heart attack. I know I do not have control over everything but I do have control on my health. I hope through my frustrations and anger with myself, someone will realize how important it is eat healthy and exercise. Do NOT let yourself have a heart attack because of poor eating habits; your heart doesn’t deserve that and you don’t deserve to go through it.

My cardiologist explained that after she gets all the results from all of the tests, she will decide how to proceed forward. I feel completely comfortable with my new doctor and hopeful she will find the answers to the unknown questions. For the first time, I can honestly say that I have sincere trust with my doctor and know that I’m back on the right track with the journey of making my heart healthy again.

Inspiration

It sure has been awhile since I’ve blogged and there have been a lot of incredible changes over the past couple of months, so let me fill you in on what’s been going on in my life, not only with my heart, but also with my career.

I left IDHS back in February and took a job with the Virginia Department of Emergency Management, as an Exercise Project Coordinator. I was sad to leave my friends and family in Indiana and Ohio, but I couldn’t let this opportunity slip by. I’ve been here now for almost 3 months and I couldn’t be happier. I was afraid embarking on this journey by myself, being 9 hours away from family and not knowing a single person in VA was scary; however, it was the best decision I could have made. My job is absolutely wonderful and I’m blessed everyday with having such an incredible opportunity. Also,  I’m living my dream by being in hurricane country and I’m so anxious for hurricane season to start.

Now, let’s talk about my health. Overall, I’m pretty healthy.  I haven’t had any heart episodes since December, so that in itself is a blessing. I’m feeling wonderful. I’ve got to admit, I’ve fallen off the workout wagon; however, I’ve joined the local YMCA and determined to get back on regular workout schedule.  I worked so hard on getting my heart back to where it needs to be and I will not let laziness take over.  My heart doesn’t deserve that.

Since I moved to VA I had to find a new cardiologist and for some reason this was hard for me to do. It wasn’t hard finding a cardiologist it was hard forcing myself to find one.  I kept putting it off but I finally found one and I actually have a checkup on Tuesday. This will be an 18 month checkup since the heart attack, but I’m sure it’ll involve more than just a normal checkup because it’s with a new doctor.  I’m not going to lie, I’m already nervous about it.  I remember when I was looking for a cardiologist and I had the conversation with my dad as to why I kept putting it off.  He told me that I was just scared and he was right. Seeing the cardiologist is just a reminder to me that I did have a heart attack. I know I’m a pretty tough and hard-headed woman but I do have my weakness; constant fear of that it could happen again.  Although, I’m determined to do everything in my power, may it be medication, diet, or exercise to make sure my health is as good as it can be.  I guess I need to realize a cardiologist is just another tool in making sure everything is on the right track to achieve the goal of making my heart the healthiest it can be.  I’m sure that I’ll have some anxiety on Tuesday before my appointment but I know everything will be okay. I’ll put the faith in the man upstairs and he’ll guide me through it.

I find it tough trying to write the next part of tonight’s blog. I want to share with you all story about a girl named, Liz, who has became my inspiration over the past month.  Liz is from my hometown (St. Marys, OH) and is 20 years old. Exactly one month ago, Liz underwent heart transplant surgery.  She has had many ups and downs since the surgery but continues to fight each and every day with her new heart. You can find her story at the following website: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elizabethsampson/journal

When I found out about Liz, I was in complete shock. I knew she had a heart condition but didn’t know she needed a transplant. I felt so much sadness and fear for her.  I know what I went through with having a heart attack and I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what she was going through. To be honest, I also had a whole lot of anger. Why in the world was a 20 year old having to go through a heart transplant surgery?  She should be out enjoying her sophomore year in college not undergoing a major surgery. 

I remember thinking, praying, and constantly checking facebook for updates the day of her surgery. Her sister, Amanda, actually created a page on the caringbridge website, which she posts updates on Liz on a regular basis.  I remember reading the post titled, “Elizabeth’s Story”, and tears constantly streamed down my face. The strength that Liz has in this journey is incredible.  Not only is she NOT questioning why this has happened to her, she believes it was part of God’s plan for her. WOW! As I’m writing this right now I cannot hold back the tears.  I’m in awe of her and the strength that she has. Having to go through such a huge event at such a young age and having that much courage is inspiring.

When I think of what I’ve been through with having a heart attack it’s nothing compared to what Liz has been through. Liz, you are such an inspiration to me more than you will ever know. Through your strength, courage, and determination, I find myself gaining the strength and courage. I cannot thank you enough for that.  Not only are you an inspiration to me but you has become my role model.  I hope one day I can have as much faith, courage, strength, and determination as you do. Keep fighting girl! 

Through you, I’ll find that courage and strength to get me through my cardiologist appointment on Tuesday.

We all know that prayer is such a powerful thing, so I ask you all to say an extra prayer tonight for Liz and her family.

Unexpected Episode

It was an interesting past week to say the least.  As I already talked about in my previous post, my appointment with my cardiologist went great on Monday. However, on Thursday night, I had an unexpected trip to the Methodist ER. Was this one step forward and two steps back?

I was working Thursday night and was dealing with some dull chest pains, they were pretty constant and it was the point where it was annoying me. I’ve had chest pains in the past; it’s just a typical thing to have. As usual, nitro would most likely solve the problem. That is where problem #1 came into play, I had switched purses that day, and I had accidentally left my nitro in my other purse. I instantly regretted not double checking to make sure I had it; lesson learned!  I had a little over an hour to go in my shift, so I told myself I would get through my shift and see how I felt. I really wasn’t too concerned because I didn’t have any other symptoms.

It was finally 11:00pm and it was time to go. As I was walking out to the parking garage, I starting to feel extremely nauseated and the next thing I knew, I was getting sick. Luckily, I had some Gatorade in my car, so I drank some of that and started to drive home. When I was driving home, I started to have some intense pain in the middle of my back and going up into my neck. At this moment, I started to freak out. All the memories of the heart attack came rushing back. I had to calm myself down and put a plan into action. I’m not going to lie, I drove past the hospital and kept telling myself that these symptoms would go away soon. However, I thought to myself how I’m such an advocate of not ignoring the warning signs and to get checked out, so why was I not listening to my own advice? I turned my car around and headed back to the hospital. I called my parents to let them know what was going on. Hearing my dad on the phone really helped calm me down.

I got to the ER and as soon as I told them my symptoms and my past history, I was rushed back into the room. Prior on getting back into the room, a male nurse brought me a wheelchair, I told him that I could walk, but he insisted that I sit. My stubbornness was kicking in. When I got back to the room, it was filled with 4 nurses and two doctors. Before I knew it, I was hooked up to an EKG and had an IV.  I swear it was within just seconds of getting into the room, and my nurse was an all-star for getting the IV in so quick, it normally takes tries after tries!  As they were doing my vitals and EKG, one of the nurses had commented that I was sweating pretty badly and my blood pressure and heart rate were elevated. This freaked me out even more. Was I really having another heart attack? I had instant tears. Luckily, the EKG showed that everything was fine. This was a huge relief and I was able to calm down. The nurses were extremely comforting and that helped the anxiety levels decrease. They thought that my levels were just elevated because I was nervous and had some anxiety.

The doctor ordered a chest x-ray and some blood work. While I was waiting for the x-ray, another doctor came in and talked to me. She had said she just went over my records and felt that it wasn’t heart related. This was the best news I’d heard all night. However, she wanted to wait for the blood results to come back and talk with my cardiologist. The chest x-ray and blood work were completed, it was just time to wait for the results.  After about 20 minutes after my x-ray, the doctor came back in and said everything came back good, she could completely rule out another heart attack! I was so relieved.

The diagnosis was that I had some inflammation in my chest wall. Back in March, I was diagnosed with acid reflex and the coronary heart disease (CHD). The combination of that and the inflammation was causing the discomfort.  The doctor prescribed me some medication and sent me home. I finally got back to my apartment around 3:00 am and took the medicine and went to bed. I was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

I received a call from my cardiologist’s head nurse the next morning. She was just calling to check up on me and to discuss what had happened. Since I do have CHD, it’s typical that I could have episodes of severe angina (chest pains). I didn’t really realize that I could have episodes, so it was certainly news to me. She told me that the nitro should take care of it. Again, that’s why it’s important to always carry the nitro! It’s a whole new learning experience of how to deal living with CHD. I’m sure it’s going to take some time to learn more information but I’m ready. Hell, if I can fight through a heart attack, I can certainly get through this.

After some sleep and medicine, I felt completely fine. I had to fight the urge of going to the YCMA to work out. I really wanted to do Zumba Friday morning; however, I didn’t think my body would appreciate it. I didn’t need another trip to the ER.

I’d like to give a shout out to the wonderful staff at Methodist, they were awesome. Not only did they help me relax, but they also dismissed one of my biggest fears that I have. I struggled with being the patient who would “cry wolf” every time that I had chest pains. Again, it’s the battle of when to seek help or waiting for it to pass. The nurses and doctors at Methodist praised me for going in and getting checked out. They said that with my previous history, it’s nothing to mess around with. I knew that, but it was refreshing to hear from the medical staff. They had mentioned that they have seen people come in when it’s too late, when the heart is damaged, and it could have simply been avoided if they came in.

It was a pretty stressful and scary time going through that on Thursday. I’m grateful that I did get it checked out and even more grateful that nothing was wrong. I cannot say enough how important it is to not ignore the signs, even if nothing is wrong in the end, it truthfully could be the difference between life and death. If I can put my stubbornness aside and get checked out, everyone else can as well.

Keep on pushing on

Well, I had my appointment with my cardiologist yesterday, and it couldn’t have gone any better. Prior to my appointment, I was pretty nervous. I was confident that everything would be just fine, but then again, why would a healthy 24 year old have a heart attack in the first place. I know that I’ve said that before, but I don’t think that question will ever leave my mind.

Anyways, as I was sitting in the waiting room, I couldn’t help but notice that people were staring at me. At first, I didn’t understand why; however, as I sat there and thought why, it all came to me. Everyone else in that room were well into their 50s or older, and then there was me, a young, 25 year old. I can almost guarantee that they were all wondering what I was doing there. I couldn’t help but smile and chuckle to myself. It brought back memories of cardio rehab program, where every session I had to explain to at least 1 person on what happened.  Yes, I was the youngest cardio rehab patient Methodist hospital had seen.

Finally, after waiting for what seemed like forever, the doctor was able to see me. The first words that he said to me were, “you look healthier, your skin color looks better.” I thought to myself, dang, I must have looked like crap the past year! He sat down and we talked about how I was feeling, what I’ve been doing, and went over the list of medications.

I had explained to him that overall, I was feeling pretty good. I talked about my exercise schedule and my experiences so far, and he was ecstatic! He was so glad and proud that I’d really changed my exercise routine in just one year. He was actually impressed that I was doing the HIIT class (see last posting about that).

He listened to my heart, looked at my readings, and said everything looked good. I did have a higher heart rate then what he wanted, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He said he would see me in another 6 months and to just keep on pushing on. I couldn’t believe it! I was bracing for the worst, but I didn’t even need to have any tests done. I was beyond thrilled, but yet shocked. I was hoping he would start to reduce some of my medications, but I need to remind myself, one step at a time.

As I was driving home from my appointment, I finally realized something. Even though I had been through something very traumatic and one of the worst experiences in my life, I was able to change such a negative situation into something positive. I know that I mentioned this in my last post, but I can officially say, thanks to the doctor, that through hard work and determination, my heart is now stronger!

I can honestly say that this not only has made my heart stronger, but it’s also made me a stronger individual as well.  It opened my eyes to a whole new world, “brighter eyes” as my mom would say. I have learned that ANYONE can turn ANYTHING bad into something good! I’ve also learned that life can change in a blink of an eye, so instead of sitting back and waiting for opportunities to happen, you need to create them yourself. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and go after what you want. Follow your dreams; there is no one that can stop you, but yourself. Even if you’re up against all odds, if you put your mind to overcome it, you can get through anything.

I‘d like to say thank-you to all my friends and family for all of your words of encouragement through this entire process. Thank-you for listening to me when I would go on a rant, giving me hugs when I needed it, a shoulder to cry on, and just being there for me all the time. I really do think that without your text messages, calls, emails, and facebook messages of words of encouragement, I wouldn’t be where I am today. You wouldn’t believe what a simple message of hope would do; it allowed me to find my inner strength to keep on moving forward.

A Long Battle Won

Happy December, everyone! I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by; it just seems to go by faster with each year that I get older. I had a breakthrough moment last week and I want to share the experience with you all. I’m hoping it can provide you with a little inspiration because it certainly has changed my outlook! Happy reading! J

As you all know, I joined the YMCA back during the summer months. I can officially say that it was by far the best decision that I could have made for myself. I’ve been doing the Zumba class regularly, but last Monday, I wanted to try something new, something more intense, I wanted to see if I could handle something more. I forced myself out of bed on Monday morning, put on my workout clothes, grabbed my powerade and headed out the door. The class that I was about to attend was called high intensity interval training (HIIT). Honestly, I didn’t know what I was about to get myself into but I was determined to try something new.

HIIT is an hour long class that is all about speed. It is said that an HIIT workout will lose up to 9 times more fat than a similar cardio workout. The class concentrates on getting faster by triggering muscles in different patterns and speeds. It consists of weights, step aerobics, push-ups, sit-ups, and jumping jacks. I know that some other HIIT workouts will also include sprints, but there isn’t enough room at the YMCA for this particular class.

As the class was getting ready to start, I remember looking around and seeing extremely fit and athletic individuals, and I started to think to myself, umm was I ready for this? I decided to at least try it. The class started and I was doing well and before I knew it, the class was over! I, the girl who had a heart attack a year ago, was FINALLY able to keep up with other people! I had just kicked ass in an HIIT workout! I couldn’t believe it and I was in complete shock! I’m not going to lie, it was intense and there were times that I started to struggle, but I kept at it. It was an awesome experience. Now, a few hours later, I could hardly move, but it was totally worth it. I wasn’t going to let the aches and pains of muscles and joints discourage me.

As I sit here and type this, I can’t help but smile. Yes, I’m bragging about myself. However, I think I’ve earned this ‘moment’. I NEVER in my wildest dreams would have thought I would EVER be able to do such an intense workout and feel so great after it. Just months ago, I couldn’t even keep up with my cardio rehab program. I remember having numerous meltdowns and full of frustrations because I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. But now, that was all in the past. I realized that after months and months of complaining and hating everything about having a heart issue, that my heart was finally strong. I’ve been on several medications since my heart attack, and will likely be on some for the rest of my life, but it just wasn’t the pills that were making my heart stronger, it was also my determination to push myself to become healthier that aided the winning results.

One very important thing that I’ve realized through this entire journey is that if I have the will and determination to overcome something, I certainly can. It may not be easy and at times I will want to throw in the towel, but if I keep fighting through it, I will overcome it.

In one of my most recent posts, I talked about that I have a doctor’s appointment with my cardiologist, which is actually today. I mentioned that I was scared to death because I was afraid that the doctor may find something. But after having my breakthrough moment last week, I no longer have fear about the appointment. Actually, I’m excited to tell my doctor how far that I’ve come.  As I’ve said before, there very well could be tests that need to be done, just to check on things. However, I’m confident that my heart is stronger and everything is fine. Even if there would be something wrong, I’ve already been through a fight, and you better believe I’ll be ready for another!

Even though I’m being extremely positive about my appointment right now, I’m sure I’ll be a little nervous at the appointment, so I ask you all to say a prayer for me today.  

P.S. Below is a most recent picture of my family, they have been my biggest supporters and the ones that I turn to. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I cannot thank you enough, Mom, Dad, Kelly, Angie, and Red. Also a big thanks to Chloe and Cain (Niece & Nephew) for making me smile when I need it the most.

Constant Debate

I’ve had some slight chest pains off and on for the past couple of hours, so I figured this would be the perfect time to blog about my next topic that I’ve been wanting to discuss for a while now; Is this anxiety or is this another heart episode?

I know that I’ve said this before and it’s not easy to admit, but years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, specifically, panic disorder. I have been on medications and I’m doing really well. I used to have daily anxiety attacks and they were horrible. Now, I can’t remember the last time I actually had one. Basically, panic disorder is just having intense feelings of constant fear and worry. This all can lead to a panic attack, which include symptoms of sweating, chest pain, palpitations, dizziness, and hyperventilation. The combination of all of this can cause someone to pass out or even think one is having a heart attack.

Prior to being diagnosed, I would have episodes and the ambulance would be called. I think this happened three or four times. Finally after seeing a doctor, I was diagnosed and was put on medication. I was ashamed and embarrassed of this disorder at first. However, over the years, I’ve learned that I’ve been through a lot to cause this disorder and that it’s okay. I’m human and everyone has problems. Actually, I’m glad that I realized something was going on and I reached out for help. It was just another step in making me a much stronger person.

The day of my heart attack, I had all of the symptoms of a panic attack. Needless to say, that is why I was so hesitate to go to the hospital. I thought for sure it was just another panic attack. However, normally with panic attacks, if you just make yourself calm down and take some deep breaths, it will get better. This wasn’t the case for me on that day. I had other symptoms; my arm and neck were going numb. I knew something more serious was going on.

After I had my heart attack, I had and still have constant fear that I will have another heart attack. I mean I had one at the age of 25 and I was overall relatively healthy. I’ve already had one, I can surely have another. All of this fear lead up to more anxiety, which only caused more panic attacks. I remember days after I was released from the hospital, I had several panic attacks a day and I struggled with it. I would literally make myself believe that I was having another heart attack, because I had such intense chest pains.

Now, the problem was how do I tell if it’s a panic attack or am I having a heart issue? Well, that’s where the magic pill, also known as nitro, comes into play. If I’m ever having chest pains, I will stop whatever I’m doing and take some deep breaths, if the pain continues, I will take a nitro. The rule is that if you take more than 3 nitro (take them 5 minutes apart), you need to get to the ER right away. If the nitro does its job and I feel better, then it’s most likely anxiety related, if it’s not working, then its heart related. I’m a strong believer of this because when I had my heart attack, they EMTs were giving me nitro and nothing was working at all, I was getting no relief. Due to the blockage in my coronary artery, I wasn’t getting relief. The only thing that cleared the blockage was a procedure that was done during my heart catheterization. The doctor simply pushed some medicine through the artery and it cleared up right away.

I’m not going to lie; I’m scared to death whenever I feel the slightest chest pains. All of my heart attack memories come rushing to my mind. Honestly, one of the first things I start do is panic. But as I just discussed, panic attacks can have the exact same symptoms of a heart attack. So it isn’t going to do me any good to freak out. I have to force myself to calm down and refer to my ‘game plan’, which was helped put together by my doctor. If I’m not feeling better after a few minutes, I take a nitro. If it goes away, praise the lord, if it doesn’t, take another. Again, I’m allowed to take three until it’s time to get to the ER.

Even though I have a “game plan” I still question myself, and that is what I’m currently working on now. I’ve got mixed emotions of having chest pains and going to the ER. I do not want to be the patient that goes to the ER with every slightest pain; I guess you could say I don’t want to be the person who cries wolf all the time. On the other side of that, I’m afraid that the one time I don’t go to the ER, is going to be the time that I do have another heart attack. The only way I know how to solve this problem and ease my mind a bit is to talk to my cardiologist about my current game plan. I’m about 80 % sure that it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, but getting his advice would certainly make things better. I also believe that with time, it’ll get easier to distinguish the difference between it as well.

I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving! I’m so very blessed to such a supportive family and amazing friends. Without you all, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Thank you all for giving me the strength to continue to push myself to tell my story, even the parts that I’m afraid to admit. The words of encouragement allow me to continue my drive to hopefully help others. Even if I can help 1 person, my goal will be achieved. I ask that you all please do me a favor today, give your loved ones a hug and tell them how important they are to you, because you never know what will happen tomorrow. Love you all.

BTW, the chest pains that I've had at the beginning of this post, I no longer have. I think I just had anxiety for black Friday shopping, I've got to keep up with my sisters and mom, I'm in for a challenge! :)

Reflections

I sincerely apologize to anyone that has been following my blog, I have been terrible about updating it. A lot has happened over the past several months, so I have a lot to share. This post will most likely be a long one, happy reading!

August: Relaxation & 100 days celebration

I was able to take a week of vacation and went back to St. Marys for our annual town festival. I was looking forward to this for a long time! Every year, the friends that I graduated with from high school get together and play in a softball tournament against other teams. This is by far my favorite time of the summer; it’s so much fun catching up with old friends! I was even more excited for this year’s summerfest because it was a time to celebrate with Andy, (fellow heart attack friend). We were celebrating Andy’s 100th day since his heart attack! It was time to realize and be proud of what we both had been through. I know I’ve said this before but no one can truly understand what it’s like unless you’ve had a heart attack. Again, I’m being selfish, but I am glad that Andy is able to go on this journey with me. He has been such a wonderful friend and certainly a blessing.  During that weekend, I did have an episode with chest pains, I had to take a nitro and sit out a couple of the games. I was frustrated and mad but had to make myself realize that I hadn’t picked up a softball bat in over two years and my body just wasn’t used to it. Although I didn’t get to play as much as I wanted to, I was just happy to be there with all of my awesome friends. Andy, on the other hand, was a champ that weekend. He was our star pitcher and you would never have known he had a heart attack.  I’m not going to lie; it was a little emotional watching him!  I of course, had to snap some pictures!



Andy pitching during one of our games.



September-October: Not so fast

Overall, I’ve been pretty healthy, heart wise, over the past several months. I did have another episode in September, but thankfully, I was okay. I’ve been doing zumba for awhile now, it’s an exercise that I find very enjoyable and it’s a wonderful workout. Well during a Thursday night class, I had a new instructor and she was pretty intense. The YMCA changes the schedule every 8-9 weeks, so there are chances that there could be a new instructor. Well, during the middle of the class, I started not feeling good.  The next thing I found myself passed out on the floor. I ended up getting my heart rate too high and my heart just wasn’t ready to handle such an intense workout. I had felt fine after a few minutes and didn’t even need to take a nitro! (big plus). I knew that I had just pushed myself past my limit. Needless to say, this was a good reminder that although I think I may be ready for a more intense workout, my heart is just not up to it yet.

November- Fear & Emotions

Heading into the month of November, I knew that it would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be nearly has hard as it was. I had my heart attack on November 8, 2011, so my one year anniversary was two weeks ago.  Let me tell you something, it was not easy. I was full of emotions (good & bad), flashbacks, and lots of fear and anxiety. The days leading up to the big 1 year were not fun at all. Thankfully, I’ve been seeing my psychologist for awhile and she prepared me with some ways to cope with it. Some of you might be thinking why is Kristy seeing a psychologist? Well, it’s one of the best decisions that I could have ever made and I’m neither ashamed nor embarrassed about it. I had a really rough time after, and still, have a hard time of understanding why I had a heart attack. I’m not going to lie, I’m mad as hell that I had one and that the doctors cannot tell me why I had one. That’s one question that I always want an answer to, but unfortunately, I will never know. I also have a huge fear that I will have another one. Talking to a psychologist really helps me get my feelings out without having the constant fear of being judged on what I’m thinking. If you know me, one thing that you already know is that I’m a very stubborn person (thanks dad and gma katt!) and I hate to bother others with my problems. I will always rely on my parents and sisters for support and can talk to them, but I don’t want to put a burden on them. I know that’s what families are for, and I’m really trying to be able to get over that, but for now, a psychologist is the best person to turn to. She has been simply amazing over the past few months and she sure does pull a lot out of me, but it’s making me realize that I am a stronger person then what I give myself credit for. The meetings are long and emotional but they are really helping. With that being said, I suggested to anyone who has issues with anything and just needs to talk to someone, seek out the help of a counselor! Don’t be ashamed of it, everyone has problems and fears.

November 8, 2012- The big day

So the big one year anniversary came, that day was filled with tears, anger, but also lots of laughter. I really leaned on my family and friends that day, and thank the lord for that. I’m pretty sure I called my mom and dad a couple of times that day, and the day before and after, and just cried on the phone. And you know what they did? They just listened and that is exactly what I needed. But again, I think the hero of that day for me was Andy. God bless him for putting up with my numerous txt messages, which ranged from anger to laughter. I turned to him the most because I knew he would understand EXACTLY what I was feeling and I wasn’t fighting the battle alone. He had turned that day that was filled with tears of sadness and anger into tears of joy and laughter! I saved those text messages from that day because I know that I can go to look at them when I need to laugh. One of my favorite text messages stated, “Best thing about having heart issues, we are told to have red wine, red wine makes me feel so fine.” He turned a negative into a positive, and who doesn’t love some wine J Oh another part of the conversations that day (some were on facebook) was we were arguing  that I may have been the youngest heart attack survivor that many people know, but was I, or Andy, the cutest?! It was the little comments like that which helped cheer me up and realize that I’d survived a year of emotions and I knew I’d be alright. Andy, I know that you are most likely reading this, and I’ve said this over and over, but I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me when I needed it. You’ve been my hero and I’ll always be thankful for you. I hope that on your one year anniversary that I can help you out as much as you helped me.

MY Celebration

I wanted to give myself some kind of “celebration” for my one year, a little reward to myself for making it through a year of ups and downs. I decided to splurge on something that I hadn’t had in a long time, I decided to stop by the Cheesecake Factory and pick up a slice of the Oreo cake, and was it delicious! I think this may just to become a tradition for me; a treat that I can always look forward to year after year.

My celebration-- Oreo cheesecake!

                                              

December: Anticipation, Hope, & Courage

I have a big day coming up; I have my yearly checkup on Monday, December 3. Again, I’m scared to death but also anxious at the same time. I’m sure that I’m going to have numerous tests done. I’m anxious to see if my heart is continuing to heal and hopeful that some of my medications will be dismissed. But I’m also scared that something will be wrong. (Yes, I’m just most likely making myself scared over nothing, but that’s the fear that comes along with having a heart attack). So, I ask you all to say a prayer for me that day that I will have good news. I will keep you all updated.

I’m sorry that this post is so long, but I wanted to give an update on what’s been going on over the past few months. There is a topic that I haven’t discussed, which is anxiety Vs. chest pains. That’s consumed a lot of my life lately as well, that will be talked about on my next post.

I am STRONG!

Wow! I cannot believe it’s already August 1. Where has this summer gone? I’m so beyond that the month of July is over! It was one very long and stressful month to say the least; school and work consumed my life; the reason why I haven’t blogged much lately. I finished up my second class of graduate school and so grateful to be done with the risk analysis course! It was a great course but pretty intense. I’m excited for the month of August and welcomed it with arms wide-open. I’ve have vacation, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and a wedding this month. Very busy but all fun! J

As I was getting ready for work today, I caught myself looking in the mirror and asking myself, “Who is this girl”?  Yes, I know this is a weird question to ask myself, but it sure did make me smile. At that moment, I had a flashback on everything that has happened to me. I thought to myself, damn, I’ve been through a whole lot of crap for being only 25 years old. But, I’ve been able to push myself to get through everything and I sure have become a much stronger person. Honestly, I think this moment was the first time that I realized I am a strong person. I’ve had many people tell me that I was, but this was the first time I actually believed it; it felt amazing.

I know that I’ve said this before and I’m actually still amazed that I can say it again; the hardest moments of my life are now becoming my strongest and rewarding moments. I say this because the heart attack has certainly changed me for the better. I have a totally new outlook on life and I’m becoming a much happier and healthier person.

 Prior to the heart attack, I ate whatever I wanted, I didn’t exercise a whole lot, and I didn’t care to just sit around on my days off. That has totally changed. I joined the YMCA about 2 months ago, and I’ve been trying to go 2-3 times a week. It has been harder with the month of July, but I found time to go. I’ve fell in love with Zumba! I mean who doesn’t like to shake their booty and get a good workout at the same time? I may look like a fool when I’m doing it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Plus, I’m learning some new dance moves and meeting some great people. My diet has changed significantly, I still to this day, have not added salt to my food. This is HUGE for me because I used to put salt on EVERYTHING. I’ve also noticed myself not really caring for fried food much. Wow. I cannot believe I just said that, but it’s true. I used to be a huge fan of chicken fingers and french fries, and now, I can’t recall the last time I had chicken fingers. I have had fries lately, but I haven’t been eating very many of them, they just don’t taste as good as they used to, I suppose it’s because that I don’t need all of that salt! I also eat a whole lot more veggies and fruit. Changing my diet and exercising has been very rewarding, not only for making my heart healthy, but also my weight loss! My weight continues to decrease and I’m fitting into clothes that I haven’t been able to wear for years. It feels fantastic! I’ve dropped 4 dress sizes in just one year – just with my change in diet and exercise.

One of the biggest improvements that I’ve seen in myself and my family has actually told me as well, I’m a much happier person. I think this is because I’ve got a new attitude on life. I don’t want to waste a single day of my life, I want to enjoy every moment of it. Yes, I do have bad days, but everyone does. Also, I remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and a new start. Before my heart attack, I wouldn’t mind spending my days off of work sitting on the couch watching movies all day, but that has changed as well. Now, on my days off I always want to do something, even if it’s just walking around at the mall or laying out by the pool. I don’t like the idea of wasting away a day on the couch. Now, I’m not going to say there won’t be days where I just crash all day on my couch watching lifetime movie network, because I know that I’ll have some of those in my future, it just won’t be every weekend.

As I type this, I have tears running down my face. I am so proud of myself for standing strong after the hell I’ve been through. People say God only gives you want you can handle, well, I’m starting to believe that now.

One thing leads to another

It has been a very busy past few weeks and life isn’t looking to slow down anytime soon. I’ve been busy with work, school, and planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party.

Although I’ve had a lot of fun the past few weeks, I also had a streak of bad luck and ended up in the emergency room three times, hospital stay, and doctors office numerous times.

My last post I mentioned that I had attended a cycling class at the YMCA and ended up having an episode with my heart. Well, it ended up being more than just a heart issue that day. Yes, my heart was okay after resting and taking my nitro; however, I ended up with a muscle injury!

A few days after the class, I could hardly move! I was incredibly sore and just thought that I had pushed myself past my limits. Saturday morning came and I was in a lot of pain and had swelling in my leg. I had talked to my parents that morning and they advised me that I should probably go to the ER to get it checked out, to make sure I didn’t have a blood clot. I didn’t even think about the possibility of a blood clot and it scared me enough where I was going to put my stubbornness to rest and get it checked out. After an EKG, blood tests, and an ultra sound on my leg, the results showed that I didn’t have a blood clot (thank the lord) but I had torn my quad muscle. The doctor gave me some pain medication and told me to rest the next few days and I was out the door. The doctor had mentioned that the blood work did show that my muscle enzymes were elevated and this was most likely due to the torn quad muscle.

The next day, (Sunday) my parents came to visit. Since I couldn’t do a whole lot of walking, we decided to stay at my apartment and just hang out. I really enjoyed this! I hadn’t seen my parents in almost 2 months so it was nice to see them.

Early Monday morning, I woke up covered in sweat, pulse racing, chest pains, and I started to vomit. I wasn’t getting any better so I decided to go to the ER. I went to the Indiana Heart hospital (they were the closest hospital) and was rushed into a room right away. They started an IV, took some blood, did and EKG, and an X-ray, all within the first 30 minutes. The results came back that I was not having a heart attack and that my heart looked good, again, I was very much grateful. There was a problem though; my blood work showed my CPK (Creatine phosphokinase) enzyme levels were dangerously high. The doctor said normal levels were around 225 or less and mine were well over 18,000! The first question the doctor asked was if I was on any cholesterol medication, and I was. He ordered me to stop taking it right away. He said that I needed to get the enzymes down ASAP so they wouldn’t cause damage to my kidneys; resulting in another stay in the hospital. For the next 24 hours, I was hooked up to an IV with fluids to flush everything out. I was also on a heart monitor, just as a precaution. I’m getting used to what I’ll continue to go through if I ever ended up in the ER or hospital stay: Heart monitors, EKGS, blood work, and x-rays. I’m pretty sure this is a standard. Blood work was run on Tuesday morning, and it showed the enzymes were coming down and my heart continued to look good, so the doctor released me. The official diagnosis was called, Rhabdomyolysis.

I returned to work on Wednesday evening (4^th of July) and was starting to feel miserable again. I had really bad body aches, vomiting, and I started to have some blood in my urine. So I was off to the ER again. I was hooked up to an IV and was flushed with saline again. I had some more blood work done and an ultra sound on my abdomen and pelvis. (The doctor had pushed around on that area and I was in a lot of pain). The doctor thought I had kidney stones; however, the test came back negative for that. I was diagnosed with a UTI and also kidney infection. I was put on an antibiotic, nausea medicine, and was told to have a check-up with my doctor Thursday morning. I did ask what my CPK values were and they were continuing to drop, that was a good sign.

I continued to vomit throughout the night and felt horrible. I called my doctor and went in for an appointment. I usually see Suzy, a nurse practitioner, but she was out of the office, so I was scheduled to see another doctor. He decided to do more blood work and told me to return for another appointment on Friday. The blood tests came back that my CPK values were still dropping, but my kidney levels were still high. He prescribed me more nausea medicine. I hadn’t been able to keep any food/water down since Tuesday, so I was pretty dehydrated and that could cause more problems.

Friday morning came, and I wasn’t any better; I had actually felt worse. I must have looked pretty bad because the nurses all commented on how miserable I looked. (Gee thanks!). Suzy was back so I met with her. She was looking over all of my test results and said she was concerned that my liver enzymes were elevated.  She was stunned. My liver and kidney enzymes were elevated, what was going on? She pressed on my liver and it hurt like hell; I immediately started to cry. She then called in another doctor into the room to discuss what to do. They both decided to run more blood work. She put me on more pain medication and another antibiotic. That afternoon the results showed that all my levels were continuing to drop, all a good sign. At this point, since my levels were dropping, Suzy decided to NOT admit me to the hospital and ordered me off work through Sunday and told me to rest. She also said that if anything got worse, to go to the ER immediately.

I slept the rest of Friday and all of Saturday. I was actually able to start to keep food and water down! By Sunday, I was feeling a lot better and was even able to venture down to the mall to get out of the apartment for awhile. I was so thankful that all of the medications were kicking in and I was well on my way to recovery.

Suzy called me on Monday and she was incredibly happy that I was feeling much better. She said that I must have had a virus that was attacking my liver and kidneys.

To sum it all up, that entire week was rough! Not only did I have a reaction to my cholesterol medication, which caused the muscle and chest pains, but I also had a viral infection. It was one thing after another.

Through all of the horror I went through that week, I learned a valuable lesson: Do NOT push myself over the limits. If I hadn’t of been so stubborn in cycling class and wanting to keep up with others, then I wouldn’t of tore my quad muscle; I wouldn’t of had the worry of a blood clot.

I’m happy to report that I have returned to exercising. I have fell in love with water aerobics and Zumba! I will not attempt a cycling class for a very long time. I’ve learned that I need to take my time and everything will fall into place. There shouldn’t be a rush to get back to 100% because I could end up causing more harm than good on trying to achieve that goal so quickly.

Bump in the road

I woke up this morning feeling very excited and energetic, as I was going to participate in my first YMCA class. I had looked over the schedule and decided to try out “Group Cycling Pump” class, which is not only a cycling class, but also focuses on muscle strengthening routines. I would be able to get both my cardiovascular and strength workouts done in one workout. I put on my workout clothes, laced up my shoes, grabbed my nitro, and was out the door.

This was my very first cycling class so I really wasn’t sure what to expect. My instructor, Jamie, explained to me how to set up the bike and what we would be doing throughout the hour long session. It was a pretty full class, consisting of mostly young female adults and one male adult. As I was looking around, I had a feeling I was going to be in trouble because everyone was really athletic looking, and then there was me, who had never done this class before and hadn’t exercised in awhile. However, I convinced myself that I would be just fine and would rock this class.

The class started and it was intense right off the start; within just a few minutes, I was already starting to feel the burn. I could feel my heart start to race and knew this wasn’t going to be as easy as I had previously thought. Again, I’m a very stubborn person and kept telling myself to keep on pushing through it.

After about 15 minutes, it was time to get off of the bike and do some strength training. I grabbed some weights and started doing some squats. At this point, I was already starting to feel weak. I was looking around the room and everyone else looked great and was going strong. With this being said, how could I be so tired so quickly? I didn’t want to look like a wimp, so I convinced myself to keep pushing through it. After a few more minutes, it was time to head back to the bike (the idea of the class is to keep switching from the bike to weights).

As I was walking back to the bike, I could really feel my heart pounding, pulse racing, and was getting slightly dizzy. This is the point when I knew I had to start to slow down. I walked over to my instructor and had informed her that I needed to slow down because I had a heart attack last November and wasn’t feeling the greatest. She looked at me stunned and said, “Yes, you defiantly need to slow down! You should have told me before the class started; I would have modified your routine.” I wasn’t happy about her response; I didn’t want to be treated differently just because I have a heart condition. The only reason I was telling her was because I was just going to slow my pace down.

I returned to my bike and started to work out again. After talking with the instructor, I began to feel a lot of anger; I wanted to work out just as hard as everyone else was. Well, when I get angry, I tend to work out harder and faster. I started to pedal faster and faster, and this is when everything went downhill. Suddenly I had some severe chest pain, heart was racing, and I was really starting to get dizzy. I knew that I had overdone it. I stopped, got off my bike, and grabbed my purse. I needed my nitro. I needed to get everything back under control. I was embarrassed enough, I didn’t need to cause a bigger scene by passing out. I took one pill and thankfully, it relieved the pain and I was starting to feel better. The instructor came over and asked if I was okay, I told her I was fine and that I was just embarrassed and frustrated. I packed up my stuff and headed back to my apartment.

On the drive home I had an emotional breakdown. I was mad, frustrated, and full of anxiety. I wanted to be like everyone else and be able to do the full workout. I had a dose of reality, I had a heart attack and my heart just wasn’t up to the strength yet to do such an intense workout. I was mad about this.

I decided to text Andy and let him know what was going on because I knew he would understand my frustrations.  I’m so very thankful that I decided to do that because he was able to turn my tears into a smile.  Also, Maggie (Andy’s GF) had texted me to make sure I was okay and she was also able to put a smile back on my face as well. I had also talked to my dad and he reassured me that I would be able to get back to full strength; it was just going to take some time. It’s one step at a time. I’m so very grateful that I have the support from some pretty kick-ass friends and family.

I think the big lesson that I learned today was that I need to keep reminding myself that my heart just needs some extra time to get built back up. I shouldn’t expect myself to be able to do everything everyone does; I need to do what I can do without overdoing it. Also, I’m so very glad that I had my nitro on me! It most likely saved a trip to the emergency room.

I know that there will probably be more days like this in the future, where I get a dose of reality of what happened and where I’ve been. However, I also know that I have some great people to lean on and I know that I’ll continue to push myself to get through everything. I know that with some hard work and dedication, I will kick butt in the cycling class; it’s just going to take some time and patience. The motto during cardio rehab was, “The strength it takes,” and well I’m going to live by that motto and prove to myself that I’ve got it.

Brighter Eyes

My mom told me something a few weeks ago and it has stuck with me ever since, she said, “You are looking at the world with much brighter eyes these days and is so good to see”. Through this post, I’m going to explain what she meant by it, well through my perspective anyways.

When the doctor came in and told me that I had a heart attack, I was in complete shock. During the hospital stay and even months after, I was full of emotions: anger, sadness, anxiety, fear, and frustration. I couldn’t understand why I had the heart attack and I was pretty upset that the doctors couldn’t give me a reason to as why I had one. I’m not going to lie; it was a very long couple of months. I tried to put on my ‘brave face’ but I was scared and sad. I had actually gone into depression. I was isolating myself from everyone and just didn’t care about life anymore. It continued to get worse, especially after the second hospital stay, when I was diagnosed with the coronary artery disease.

Finally, I got to the point where I told myself that I had only two options. First, I could remain depressed and sad and continue down the miserable road. Or, I could do something about it. Well, I chose to do the second option; I was going to do something about it. That is when I decided to start blogging. I wanted to get my story out, in hopes of bringing attention to the issues regarding your heart. I wanted others to know that if I had a heart attack at the age of 24, it can happen to anyone, regardless of your age or medical history.

I never ever thought that in my wildest dreams I would ever say what I’m about to say, “The heart attack has become one of the biggest blessings in my life.”  WHAT? Yes, it’s true. I say this because there have been so many positive things that have came out of this. There are many reasons and I will explain each of them; however, the biggest one is I found that I am a much stronger person then I ever thought I was. Years ago, I had another traumatic event in my life and I got through it. I had my heart attack, I got through it. Hell, I have a lot of strength and courage if I can get through all of that! There is nothing that can stop me; I was born a fighter (premature baby) and I will always be a fighter.

I decided that I was going to start watching what I was eating and I was going to start exercising more. I knew that by doing these things, it would help lower the risk of another heart attack. I’m very proud to say that I haven’t added salt to any of my foods since the heart attack! That’s a HUGE accomplishment for me because I used to add salt to everything. I also have cut out junk foods. Okay, yes, I splurge every once in awhile, but there has been a significant change from what I used to eat. I have also started exercising. I recently joined the YMCA and have signed up with a wellness coach. She is awesome and kicks my butt. I’m also taking some of the classes that they have to offer. I’m pretty excited to start taking cardio hip-hop, zumba, and strength training. Just by watching what I eat, I’m proud to say that I have lost 25 plus pounds since my heart attack! And let me tell you, there is nothing more rewarding then going to try on a bridesmaids dress and realizing that I’ve went down 3 sizes! I’m also starting to fit into a bunch of my old clothes and that’s exciting as well.

Another thing I realized that is you only live once and you have to live life to the fullest. I’ve started trying and doing more things. For example, I actually tried sushi for the first time a few weeks ago. I never would have done that before! It was actually pretty good and something that I would try again. I’ve also started a “bucket list”.  Some of the things that I want to do is go sky diving, swim with the dolphins, go to Australia, and run in a mini marathon.

I think that the most rewarding part of this journey is that I’m helping others and that feels so good. I never ever thought that just by telling my story, I could make a positive impact on the lives of others. I have the privilege of working with the American Heart Association and I’m beyond excited and thrilled to take part in such an awesome organization.

Through this journey, I’m finding myself to be a much happier and stronger person and just loving life in general. My mom was right; I certainly am looking at the world with “brighter eyes”.

One small bottle is one big reminder

I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve wanted to discuss next in my blog and I keep coming back to one topic,” One small bottle is one big reminder.”  This isn’t easy for to me to discuss, but I’m starting to realize that if I talk about things, I’m becoming a stronger person and able to put the fear behind me.

I’m not going to lie, I wake up with fear everyday that I’m going to have another heart attack, and maybe I won’t be as lucky as I was the last time. That is by far my biggest fear and to be honest, that fear controlled my life from the moment I had my heart attack. When I was released from the hospital, I told myself that everything was going to be fine; I would put a smile on my face and not look back. Yes, I’m a stubborn girl, and I wasn’t about to let others see that I was really scared. After my heart attack, I went back to my parents’ house to continue to recover. I can remember I kept telling them that I would be fine to stay in Indy, but deep down I knew that I needed to be with my family. I have an incredible, loving, and supporting family, and there is nothing more comforting then being around them.  I was exhausted when I was released, so I spent the first few days catching up on sleep. During this time, I was also with my family pretty much the entire time. Well the new work week came and my parents had to return to work and I was by myself; this is when the battle of courageous Kristy vs. heart attack fear started.  

There were several times during that week that I completely broke down and was frozen with fear. I had called my parents several times a day, just crying and kept telling them I was afraid. The heart attack fear was winning the battle.  God bless my parents for being my rock during this whole process, they were there calming me down and telling me I was going to be okay.  I know you’re reading this mom and please show dad, I cannot say thank-you enough. Also, my sisters were beyond supportive as well. I tell you what, I have the best damn family in the world.  

After my recovery, it was time for me to head back to Indianapolis and get back to work. The family all came back with me that day and it wasn’t easy when they left.  But me being stubborn, I put on a smile and gave them a hug and they were on their way back to Ohio. The minute I shut that door, realized I was by myself, I instantly broke down. How could I be okay by myself? There wasn’t the comfort of my parents being in the next room, they were now 2 hours away. I can remember telling myself, “Kristy, you’re going to be just fine and stop the crying.” Be courageous.

I started back with work and kept myself busy over the next several months with cardio rehab. I thought everything was okay, until I noticed my anxiety had increased significantly and I started to have nightmares. I finally convinced myself that the fear of the heart attack was actually starting to control my life. How did I let it get this far? Oh yes, it’s my stubbornness again. I realized that I needed someone to talk to, not my parents, not my sisters, not my friends, I needed to see a psychologist. That decision was probably the best decision I could have made. I’ve been seeing a fantastic psychologist for about a month now, and she is simply wonderful. She’s helping me with my fear of having another attack. The appointments are not easy and they are exhausting, but I’ve really started to see a change in myself. Before I started see her, I was full of anxiety, fear, sadness, and all around just not ‘myself’. Now, I feel like I’m becoming myself again; I’m much happier, anxiety has decreased, sadness has disappeared, and I’m learning to take control of the fear. The fear will not control me.

In my last post, I’ve wrote about having to carry around ‘nitro’ and how, Andy, and I were able to joke about it. I’m sure most of you know that after you have a heart attack, your expected to carry nitro with you at all times. At first, I carried it with me; however, that changed.  The nitro tablets are very small and they come in a very small bottle, which is then placed into a bigger bottle. I would carry it in my purse and then I took it out one day and didn’t put it back in. This is where the fear part comes in, again. After talking with my doctor, I had realized that the reason I didn’t carry the nitro with me was because it was a reminder to me that I did have a heart attack. It may sound dumb but if I didn’t have it with me, I couldn’t see it, so I wouldn’t think about my heart attack. It’s that plain and simple. So you may be wondering why I actually carried it with me when I attended my friends wedding a few weeks ago. Well, I did carry it because I knew that Andy had to carry it as well. That gave me courage. If he had to carry it then I would as well. That weekend was miraculous to me. With all the joking that we did with regards to the nitro, it actually gave me the courage to face the fear of the little bottle and carry it with me now. So what I have to carry it with me? Who cares? I’ve realized that if something would happen again and I didn’t have that little bottle, there could be more problems. Also, you’re only cool if you have to carry nitro. Okay, only Andy would understand that, as we are the HBK’s. (Heart break kids). In all joking aside, I’m learning that it’s okay to have fear, but only if I control the fear.