Thorough but frustrating

Good Wednesday evening to y’all. I just settled in from a long day of work and an intense Zumba workout. I haven’t been to a Zumba class since I moved to Virginia and it sure did feel good to get back into it. I may not be all that coordinated and look a bit on the silly side but it’s a workout that I enjoy. Taking out the frustrations of my day with some dancing and jumping is one of my favorite ways to release that bundled up energy. I highly recommend the class to anyone and everyone.

In my last post I had mentioned that I had a cardiologist appointment on Tuesday of this week, well I’d like to discuss that appointment and the cascading events in this post. Again, my overall goal of my blog is to bring awareness regarding heart issues and reasons why it’s so incredibly important to keep your heart healthy. I’ve got a bit off track with keeping my heart healthy and I’m ashamed of myself. I hope through this post about this week’s events will stress to everyone how important it is to stay healthy. I know I cannot stop a heart attack from happening, but I do know that I can do everything in my power to make my body as healthy as I can; everyone can.

I met with my cardiologist on Tuesday morning and I was extremely nervous. I was not only meeting a new doctor but it was also my 18 month checkup. Wow. I cannot believe it’s been 18 months since that day, the day that my life changed. Prior to the appointment, I was fighting with my anxiety.  I always get extremely anxious before my appointments. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I felt a sense of calmness overcome me. I can’t explain why or how this happened, it just did. It was the weirdest but most amazing feeling ever. I’m just going to say it was the man upstairs.

So, I finally was called back by the nurse and went into the exam room. The nurse was extremely friendly and that also calmed the nerves. We briefly discussed my history and an EKG was performed. The cardiologist finally came in and I also discussed the history with her. She was in utter shock with the fact that a 24 year old had a heart attack. She questioned why I had the heart attack but I told her the doctors in Indianapolis chalked it up to “bad luck”.  She didn’t like this answer.

After a quick exam (listening to lungs & heart), she said that everything sounded good. She also said my EKG looked good as well. My pulse was a little on the high side, but she agreed with me that it was most likely from the nerves. If she wasn’t concerned about it, there was no need for me to be.  The game plan for what she wanted to do was discussed next. Her biggest question was why I had the heart attack and since no one could figure it out, she said she was determined to. I cannot tell you how good that was to hear. I must say that I’m beyond frustrated with my previous doctor in Indy for just saying it was “bad luck”. I want an answer and I’m now hopeful that she may figure it out.

With wanting to know the answer comes more tests. Not only is she trying to find out the answers but also wants a thorough check.  I understand why she wants this but this is where my frustration comes into play. Maybe I’m just being my stubborn self, which is most likely true, but having to have more tests done just reminds me that I did have a heart attack. I think there is some fear with this as well.  I’m afraid something will be found. I must remind myself that everything will be just fine and that I’d much rather know if something is wrong now then to find out when it’s too late.

She referred me to a hematologist and I have that appointment tomorrow morning. She would like to rule out blood clotting disorders. I will have an echocardiogram done in two weeks, which is a pretty normal test to have done. Before I left the office, I had to have a series of blood tests done; the basic blood work (red/white blood cell counts, liver & kidney functions, diabetes, and cholesterol). She called me this morning and told me my results: everything was normal except the liver and cholesterol. She stated that my liver test results were a little on the high side. She didn’t understand why it was high but said she would wait a little bit and retest it again in a month and a half.  

I had a feeling my bad cholesterol would be high and I was right. I’m ashamed of myself because of it. I’ve had high cholesterol before and was on medication for it. However, due to horrible side effects (muscle aches) I was taken off of it. My cardiologist felt that it was important to get back on medication to get it under control. I’m going to be trying a different medication and hoping that I don’t have the severe side effects from it. I’m ashamed of myself because I know that I can be eating better and helping myself with the cholesterol problem. I mentioned before in this post that I’ve got a bit off track with keeping my heart healthy and this is why. I know that I need to improve my eating habits and this was an eye-opener. I’m trying my hardest to be able to get off the medications and to have to be prescribed another one, which I could potentially have prevented, is shameful and frustrating. I’m going to get myself back to eating healthy and hopefully be able to get off, and remain off, the medication.

I know that eating healthy is hard. But I do not want to have more problems because of eating poorly. I’ll be damned to let plaque buildup and cause another heart attack. I know I do not have control over everything but I do have control on my health. I hope through my frustrations and anger with myself, someone will realize how important it is eat healthy and exercise. Do NOT let yourself have a heart attack because of poor eating habits; your heart doesn’t deserve that and you don’t deserve to go through it.

My cardiologist explained that after she gets all the results from all of the tests, she will decide how to proceed forward. I feel completely comfortable with my new doctor and hopeful she will find the answers to the unknown questions. For the first time, I can honestly say that I have sincere trust with my doctor and know that I’m back on the right track with the journey of making my heart healthy again.

Inspiration

It sure has been awhile since I’ve blogged and there have been a lot of incredible changes over the past couple of months, so let me fill you in on what’s been going on in my life, not only with my heart, but also with my career.

I left IDHS back in February and took a job with the Virginia Department of Emergency Management, as an Exercise Project Coordinator. I was sad to leave my friends and family in Indiana and Ohio, but I couldn’t let this opportunity slip by. I’ve been here now for almost 3 months and I couldn’t be happier. I was afraid embarking on this journey by myself, being 9 hours away from family and not knowing a single person in VA was scary; however, it was the best decision I could have made. My job is absolutely wonderful and I’m blessed everyday with having such an incredible opportunity. Also,  I’m living my dream by being in hurricane country and I’m so anxious for hurricane season to start.

Now, let’s talk about my health. Overall, I’m pretty healthy.  I haven’t had any heart episodes since December, so that in itself is a blessing. I’m feeling wonderful. I’ve got to admit, I’ve fallen off the workout wagon; however, I’ve joined the local YMCA and determined to get back on regular workout schedule.  I worked so hard on getting my heart back to where it needs to be and I will not let laziness take over.  My heart doesn’t deserve that.

Since I moved to VA I had to find a new cardiologist and for some reason this was hard for me to do. It wasn’t hard finding a cardiologist it was hard forcing myself to find one.  I kept putting it off but I finally found one and I actually have a checkup on Tuesday. This will be an 18 month checkup since the heart attack, but I’m sure it’ll involve more than just a normal checkup because it’s with a new doctor.  I’m not going to lie, I’m already nervous about it.  I remember when I was looking for a cardiologist and I had the conversation with my dad as to why I kept putting it off.  He told me that I was just scared and he was right. Seeing the cardiologist is just a reminder to me that I did have a heart attack. I know I’m a pretty tough and hard-headed woman but I do have my weakness; constant fear of that it could happen again.  Although, I’m determined to do everything in my power, may it be medication, diet, or exercise to make sure my health is as good as it can be.  I guess I need to realize a cardiologist is just another tool in making sure everything is on the right track to achieve the goal of making my heart the healthiest it can be.  I’m sure that I’ll have some anxiety on Tuesday before my appointment but I know everything will be okay. I’ll put the faith in the man upstairs and he’ll guide me through it.

I find it tough trying to write the next part of tonight’s blog. I want to share with you all story about a girl named, Liz, who has became my inspiration over the past month.  Liz is from my hometown (St. Marys, OH) and is 20 years old. Exactly one month ago, Liz underwent heart transplant surgery.  She has had many ups and downs since the surgery but continues to fight each and every day with her new heart. You can find her story at the following website: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elizabethsampson/journal

When I found out about Liz, I was in complete shock. I knew she had a heart condition but didn’t know she needed a transplant. I felt so much sadness and fear for her.  I know what I went through with having a heart attack and I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what she was going through. To be honest, I also had a whole lot of anger. Why in the world was a 20 year old having to go through a heart transplant surgery?  She should be out enjoying her sophomore year in college not undergoing a major surgery. 

I remember thinking, praying, and constantly checking facebook for updates the day of her surgery. Her sister, Amanda, actually created a page on the caringbridge website, which she posts updates on Liz on a regular basis.  I remember reading the post titled, “Elizabeth’s Story”, and tears constantly streamed down my face. The strength that Liz has in this journey is incredible.  Not only is she NOT questioning why this has happened to her, she believes it was part of God’s plan for her. WOW! As I’m writing this right now I cannot hold back the tears.  I’m in awe of her and the strength that she has. Having to go through such a huge event at such a young age and having that much courage is inspiring.

When I think of what I’ve been through with having a heart attack it’s nothing compared to what Liz has been through. Liz, you are such an inspiration to me more than you will ever know. Through your strength, courage, and determination, I find myself gaining the strength and courage. I cannot thank you enough for that.  Not only are you an inspiration to me but you has become my role model.  I hope one day I can have as much faith, courage, strength, and determination as you do. Keep fighting girl! 

Through you, I’ll find that courage and strength to get me through my cardiologist appointment on Tuesday.

We all know that prayer is such a powerful thing, so I ask you all to say an extra prayer tonight for Liz and her family.

Unexpected Episode

It was an interesting past week to say the least.  As I already talked about in my previous post, my appointment with my cardiologist went great on Monday. However, on Thursday night, I had an unexpected trip to the Methodist ER. Was this one step forward and two steps back?

I was working Thursday night and was dealing with some dull chest pains, they were pretty constant and it was the point where it was annoying me. I’ve had chest pains in the past; it’s just a typical thing to have. As usual, nitro would most likely solve the problem. That is where problem #1 came into play, I had switched purses that day, and I had accidentally left my nitro in my other purse. I instantly regretted not double checking to make sure I had it; lesson learned!  I had a little over an hour to go in my shift, so I told myself I would get through my shift and see how I felt. I really wasn’t too concerned because I didn’t have any other symptoms.

It was finally 11:00pm and it was time to go. As I was walking out to the parking garage, I starting to feel extremely nauseated and the next thing I knew, I was getting sick. Luckily, I had some Gatorade in my car, so I drank some of that and started to drive home. When I was driving home, I started to have some intense pain in the middle of my back and going up into my neck. At this moment, I started to freak out. All the memories of the heart attack came rushing back. I had to calm myself down and put a plan into action. I’m not going to lie, I drove past the hospital and kept telling myself that these symptoms would go away soon. However, I thought to myself how I’m such an advocate of not ignoring the warning signs and to get checked out, so why was I not listening to my own advice? I turned my car around and headed back to the hospital. I called my parents to let them know what was going on. Hearing my dad on the phone really helped calm me down.

I got to the ER and as soon as I told them my symptoms and my past history, I was rushed back into the room. Prior on getting back into the room, a male nurse brought me a wheelchair, I told him that I could walk, but he insisted that I sit. My stubbornness was kicking in. When I got back to the room, it was filled with 4 nurses and two doctors. Before I knew it, I was hooked up to an EKG and had an IV.  I swear it was within just seconds of getting into the room, and my nurse was an all-star for getting the IV in so quick, it normally takes tries after tries!  As they were doing my vitals and EKG, one of the nurses had commented that I was sweating pretty badly and my blood pressure and heart rate were elevated. This freaked me out even more. Was I really having another heart attack? I had instant tears. Luckily, the EKG showed that everything was fine. This was a huge relief and I was able to calm down. The nurses were extremely comforting and that helped the anxiety levels decrease. They thought that my levels were just elevated because I was nervous and had some anxiety.

The doctor ordered a chest x-ray and some blood work. While I was waiting for the x-ray, another doctor came in and talked to me. She had said she just went over my records and felt that it wasn’t heart related. This was the best news I’d heard all night. However, she wanted to wait for the blood results to come back and talk with my cardiologist. The chest x-ray and blood work were completed, it was just time to wait for the results.  After about 20 minutes after my x-ray, the doctor came back in and said everything came back good, she could completely rule out another heart attack! I was so relieved.

The diagnosis was that I had some inflammation in my chest wall. Back in March, I was diagnosed with acid reflex and the coronary heart disease (CHD). The combination of that and the inflammation was causing the discomfort.  The doctor prescribed me some medication and sent me home. I finally got back to my apartment around 3:00 am and took the medicine and went to bed. I was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

I received a call from my cardiologist’s head nurse the next morning. She was just calling to check up on me and to discuss what had happened. Since I do have CHD, it’s typical that I could have episodes of severe angina (chest pains). I didn’t really realize that I could have episodes, so it was certainly news to me. She told me that the nitro should take care of it. Again, that’s why it’s important to always carry the nitro! It’s a whole new learning experience of how to deal living with CHD. I’m sure it’s going to take some time to learn more information but I’m ready. Hell, if I can fight through a heart attack, I can certainly get through this.

After some sleep and medicine, I felt completely fine. I had to fight the urge of going to the YCMA to work out. I really wanted to do Zumba Friday morning; however, I didn’t think my body would appreciate it. I didn’t need another trip to the ER.

I’d like to give a shout out to the wonderful staff at Methodist, they were awesome. Not only did they help me relax, but they also dismissed one of my biggest fears that I have. I struggled with being the patient who would “cry wolf” every time that I had chest pains. Again, it’s the battle of when to seek help or waiting for it to pass. The nurses and doctors at Methodist praised me for going in and getting checked out. They said that with my previous history, it’s nothing to mess around with. I knew that, but it was refreshing to hear from the medical staff. They had mentioned that they have seen people come in when it’s too late, when the heart is damaged, and it could have simply been avoided if they came in.

It was a pretty stressful and scary time going through that on Thursday. I’m grateful that I did get it checked out and even more grateful that nothing was wrong. I cannot say enough how important it is to not ignore the signs, even if nothing is wrong in the end, it truthfully could be the difference between life and death. If I can put my stubbornness aside and get checked out, everyone else can as well.

Keep on pushing on

Well, I had my appointment with my cardiologist yesterday, and it couldn’t have gone any better. Prior to my appointment, I was pretty nervous. I was confident that everything would be just fine, but then again, why would a healthy 24 year old have a heart attack in the first place. I know that I’ve said that before, but I don’t think that question will ever leave my mind.

Anyways, as I was sitting in the waiting room, I couldn’t help but notice that people were staring at me. At first, I didn’t understand why; however, as I sat there and thought why, it all came to me. Everyone else in that room were well into their 50s or older, and then there was me, a young, 25 year old. I can almost guarantee that they were all wondering what I was doing there. I couldn’t help but smile and chuckle to myself. It brought back memories of cardio rehab program, where every session I had to explain to at least 1 person on what happened.  Yes, I was the youngest cardio rehab patient Methodist hospital had seen.

Finally, after waiting for what seemed like forever, the doctor was able to see me. The first words that he said to me were, “you look healthier, your skin color looks better.” I thought to myself, dang, I must have looked like crap the past year! He sat down and we talked about how I was feeling, what I’ve been doing, and went over the list of medications.

I had explained to him that overall, I was feeling pretty good. I talked about my exercise schedule and my experiences so far, and he was ecstatic! He was so glad and proud that I’d really changed my exercise routine in just one year. He was actually impressed that I was doing the HIIT class (see last posting about that).

He listened to my heart, looked at my readings, and said everything looked good. I did have a higher heart rate then what he wanted, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He said he would see me in another 6 months and to just keep on pushing on. I couldn’t believe it! I was bracing for the worst, but I didn’t even need to have any tests done. I was beyond thrilled, but yet shocked. I was hoping he would start to reduce some of my medications, but I need to remind myself, one step at a time.

As I was driving home from my appointment, I finally realized something. Even though I had been through something very traumatic and one of the worst experiences in my life, I was able to change such a negative situation into something positive. I know that I mentioned this in my last post, but I can officially say, thanks to the doctor, that through hard work and determination, my heart is now stronger!

I can honestly say that this not only has made my heart stronger, but it’s also made me a stronger individual as well.  It opened my eyes to a whole new world, “brighter eyes” as my mom would say. I have learned that ANYONE can turn ANYTHING bad into something good! I’ve also learned that life can change in a blink of an eye, so instead of sitting back and waiting for opportunities to happen, you need to create them yourself. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and go after what you want. Follow your dreams; there is no one that can stop you, but yourself. Even if you’re up against all odds, if you put your mind to overcome it, you can get through anything.

I‘d like to say thank-you to all my friends and family for all of your words of encouragement through this entire process. Thank-you for listening to me when I would go on a rant, giving me hugs when I needed it, a shoulder to cry on, and just being there for me all the time. I really do think that without your text messages, calls, emails, and facebook messages of words of encouragement, I wouldn’t be where I am today. You wouldn’t believe what a simple message of hope would do; it allowed me to find my inner strength to keep on moving forward.

A Long Battle Won

Happy December, everyone! I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by; it just seems to go by faster with each year that I get older. I had a breakthrough moment last week and I want to share the experience with you all. I’m hoping it can provide you with a little inspiration because it certainly has changed my outlook! Happy reading! J

As you all know, I joined the YMCA back during the summer months. I can officially say that it was by far the best decision that I could have made for myself. I’ve been doing the Zumba class regularly, but last Monday, I wanted to try something new, something more intense, I wanted to see if I could handle something more. I forced myself out of bed on Monday morning, put on my workout clothes, grabbed my powerade and headed out the door. The class that I was about to attend was called high intensity interval training (HIIT). Honestly, I didn’t know what I was about to get myself into but I was determined to try something new.

HIIT is an hour long class that is all about speed. It is said that an HIIT workout will lose up to 9 times more fat than a similar cardio workout. The class concentrates on getting faster by triggering muscles in different patterns and speeds. It consists of weights, step aerobics, push-ups, sit-ups, and jumping jacks. I know that some other HIIT workouts will also include sprints, but there isn’t enough room at the YMCA for this particular class.

As the class was getting ready to start, I remember looking around and seeing extremely fit and athletic individuals, and I started to think to myself, umm was I ready for this? I decided to at least try it. The class started and I was doing well and before I knew it, the class was over! I, the girl who had a heart attack a year ago, was FINALLY able to keep up with other people! I had just kicked ass in an HIIT workout! I couldn’t believe it and I was in complete shock! I’m not going to lie, it was intense and there were times that I started to struggle, but I kept at it. It was an awesome experience. Now, a few hours later, I could hardly move, but it was totally worth it. I wasn’t going to let the aches and pains of muscles and joints discourage me.

As I sit here and type this, I can’t help but smile. Yes, I’m bragging about myself. However, I think I’ve earned this ‘moment’. I NEVER in my wildest dreams would have thought I would EVER be able to do such an intense workout and feel so great after it. Just months ago, I couldn’t even keep up with my cardio rehab program. I remember having numerous meltdowns and full of frustrations because I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. But now, that was all in the past. I realized that after months and months of complaining and hating everything about having a heart issue, that my heart was finally strong. I’ve been on several medications since my heart attack, and will likely be on some for the rest of my life, but it just wasn’t the pills that were making my heart stronger, it was also my determination to push myself to become healthier that aided the winning results.

One very important thing that I’ve realized through this entire journey is that if I have the will and determination to overcome something, I certainly can. It may not be easy and at times I will want to throw in the towel, but if I keep fighting through it, I will overcome it.

In one of my most recent posts, I talked about that I have a doctor’s appointment with my cardiologist, which is actually today. I mentioned that I was scared to death because I was afraid that the doctor may find something. But after having my breakthrough moment last week, I no longer have fear about the appointment. Actually, I’m excited to tell my doctor how far that I’ve come.  As I’ve said before, there very well could be tests that need to be done, just to check on things. However, I’m confident that my heart is stronger and everything is fine. Even if there would be something wrong, I’ve already been through a fight, and you better believe I’ll be ready for another!

Even though I’m being extremely positive about my appointment right now, I’m sure I’ll be a little nervous at the appointment, so I ask you all to say a prayer for me today.  

P.S. Below is a most recent picture of my family, they have been my biggest supporters and the ones that I turn to. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I cannot thank you enough, Mom, Dad, Kelly, Angie, and Red. Also a big thanks to Chloe and Cain (Niece & Nephew) for making me smile when I need it the most.

Constant Debate

I’ve had some slight chest pains off and on for the past couple of hours, so I figured this would be the perfect time to blog about my next topic that I’ve been wanting to discuss for a while now; Is this anxiety or is this another heart episode?

I know that I’ve said this before and it’s not easy to admit, but years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, specifically, panic disorder. I have been on medications and I’m doing really well. I used to have daily anxiety attacks and they were horrible. Now, I can’t remember the last time I actually had one. Basically, panic disorder is just having intense feelings of constant fear and worry. This all can lead to a panic attack, which include symptoms of sweating, chest pain, palpitations, dizziness, and hyperventilation. The combination of all of this can cause someone to pass out or even think one is having a heart attack.

Prior to being diagnosed, I would have episodes and the ambulance would be called. I think this happened three or four times. Finally after seeing a doctor, I was diagnosed and was put on medication. I was ashamed and embarrassed of this disorder at first. However, over the years, I’ve learned that I’ve been through a lot to cause this disorder and that it’s okay. I’m human and everyone has problems. Actually, I’m glad that I realized something was going on and I reached out for help. It was just another step in making me a much stronger person.

The day of my heart attack, I had all of the symptoms of a panic attack. Needless to say, that is why I was so hesitate to go to the hospital. I thought for sure it was just another panic attack. However, normally with panic attacks, if you just make yourself calm down and take some deep breaths, it will get better. This wasn’t the case for me on that day. I had other symptoms; my arm and neck were going numb. I knew something more serious was going on.

After I had my heart attack, I had and still have constant fear that I will have another heart attack. I mean I had one at the age of 25 and I was overall relatively healthy. I’ve already had one, I can surely have another. All of this fear lead up to more anxiety, which only caused more panic attacks. I remember days after I was released from the hospital, I had several panic attacks a day and I struggled with it. I would literally make myself believe that I was having another heart attack, because I had such intense chest pains.

Now, the problem was how do I tell if it’s a panic attack or am I having a heart issue? Well, that’s where the magic pill, also known as nitro, comes into play. If I’m ever having chest pains, I will stop whatever I’m doing and take some deep breaths, if the pain continues, I will take a nitro. The rule is that if you take more than 3 nitro (take them 5 minutes apart), you need to get to the ER right away. If the nitro does its job and I feel better, then it’s most likely anxiety related, if it’s not working, then its heart related. I’m a strong believer of this because when I had my heart attack, they EMTs were giving me nitro and nothing was working at all, I was getting no relief. Due to the blockage in my coronary artery, I wasn’t getting relief. The only thing that cleared the blockage was a procedure that was done during my heart catheterization. The doctor simply pushed some medicine through the artery and it cleared up right away.

I’m not going to lie; I’m scared to death whenever I feel the slightest chest pains. All of my heart attack memories come rushing to my mind. Honestly, one of the first things I start do is panic. But as I just discussed, panic attacks can have the exact same symptoms of a heart attack. So it isn’t going to do me any good to freak out. I have to force myself to calm down and refer to my ‘game plan’, which was helped put together by my doctor. If I’m not feeling better after a few minutes, I take a nitro. If it goes away, praise the lord, if it doesn’t, take another. Again, I’m allowed to take three until it’s time to get to the ER.

Even though I have a “game plan” I still question myself, and that is what I’m currently working on now. I’ve got mixed emotions of having chest pains and going to the ER. I do not want to be the patient that goes to the ER with every slightest pain; I guess you could say I don’t want to be the person who cries wolf all the time. On the other side of that, I’m afraid that the one time I don’t go to the ER, is going to be the time that I do have another heart attack. The only way I know how to solve this problem and ease my mind a bit is to talk to my cardiologist about my current game plan. I’m about 80 % sure that it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, but getting his advice would certainly make things better. I also believe that with time, it’ll get easier to distinguish the difference between it as well.

I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving! I’m so very blessed to such a supportive family and amazing friends. Without you all, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Thank you all for giving me the strength to continue to push myself to tell my story, even the parts that I’m afraid to admit. The words of encouragement allow me to continue my drive to hopefully help others. Even if I can help 1 person, my goal will be achieved. I ask that you all please do me a favor today, give your loved ones a hug and tell them how important they are to you, because you never know what will happen tomorrow. Love you all.

BTW, the chest pains that I've had at the beginning of this post, I no longer have. I think I just had anxiety for black Friday shopping, I've got to keep up with my sisters and mom, I'm in for a challenge! :)

Reflections

I sincerely apologize to anyone that has been following my blog, I have been terrible about updating it. A lot has happened over the past several months, so I have a lot to share. This post will most likely be a long one, happy reading!

August: Relaxation & 100 days celebration

I was able to take a week of vacation and went back to St. Marys for our annual town festival. I was looking forward to this for a long time! Every year, the friends that I graduated with from high school get together and play in a softball tournament against other teams. This is by far my favorite time of the summer; it’s so much fun catching up with old friends! I was even more excited for this year’s summerfest because it was a time to celebrate with Andy, (fellow heart attack friend). We were celebrating Andy’s 100th day since his heart attack! It was time to realize and be proud of what we both had been through. I know I’ve said this before but no one can truly understand what it’s like unless you’ve had a heart attack. Again, I’m being selfish, but I am glad that Andy is able to go on this journey with me. He has been such a wonderful friend and certainly a blessing.  During that weekend, I did have an episode with chest pains, I had to take a nitro and sit out a couple of the games. I was frustrated and mad but had to make myself realize that I hadn’t picked up a softball bat in over two years and my body just wasn’t used to it. Although I didn’t get to play as much as I wanted to, I was just happy to be there with all of my awesome friends. Andy, on the other hand, was a champ that weekend. He was our star pitcher and you would never have known he had a heart attack.  I’m not going to lie; it was a little emotional watching him!  I of course, had to snap some pictures!



Andy pitching during one of our games.



September-October: Not so fast

Overall, I’ve been pretty healthy, heart wise, over the past several months. I did have another episode in September, but thankfully, I was okay. I’ve been doing zumba for awhile now, it’s an exercise that I find very enjoyable and it’s a wonderful workout. Well during a Thursday night class, I had a new instructor and she was pretty intense. The YMCA changes the schedule every 8-9 weeks, so there are chances that there could be a new instructor. Well, during the middle of the class, I started not feeling good.  The next thing I found myself passed out on the floor. I ended up getting my heart rate too high and my heart just wasn’t ready to handle such an intense workout. I had felt fine after a few minutes and didn’t even need to take a nitro! (big plus). I knew that I had just pushed myself past my limit. Needless to say, this was a good reminder that although I think I may be ready for a more intense workout, my heart is just not up to it yet.

November- Fear & Emotions

Heading into the month of November, I knew that it would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be nearly has hard as it was. I had my heart attack on November 8, 2011, so my one year anniversary was two weeks ago.  Let me tell you something, it was not easy. I was full of emotions (good & bad), flashbacks, and lots of fear and anxiety. The days leading up to the big 1 year were not fun at all. Thankfully, I’ve been seeing my psychologist for awhile and she prepared me with some ways to cope with it. Some of you might be thinking why is Kristy seeing a psychologist? Well, it’s one of the best decisions that I could have ever made and I’m neither ashamed nor embarrassed about it. I had a really rough time after, and still, have a hard time of understanding why I had a heart attack. I’m not going to lie, I’m mad as hell that I had one and that the doctors cannot tell me why I had one. That’s one question that I always want an answer to, but unfortunately, I will never know. I also have a huge fear that I will have another one. Talking to a psychologist really helps me get my feelings out without having the constant fear of being judged on what I’m thinking. If you know me, one thing that you already know is that I’m a very stubborn person (thanks dad and gma katt!) and I hate to bother others with my problems. I will always rely on my parents and sisters for support and can talk to them, but I don’t want to put a burden on them. I know that’s what families are for, and I’m really trying to be able to get over that, but for now, a psychologist is the best person to turn to. She has been simply amazing over the past few months and she sure does pull a lot out of me, but it’s making me realize that I am a stronger person then what I give myself credit for. The meetings are long and emotional but they are really helping. With that being said, I suggested to anyone who has issues with anything and just needs to talk to someone, seek out the help of a counselor! Don’t be ashamed of it, everyone has problems and fears.

November 8, 2012- The big day

So the big one year anniversary came, that day was filled with tears, anger, but also lots of laughter. I really leaned on my family and friends that day, and thank the lord for that. I’m pretty sure I called my mom and dad a couple of times that day, and the day before and after, and just cried on the phone. And you know what they did? They just listened and that is exactly what I needed. But again, I think the hero of that day for me was Andy. God bless him for putting up with my numerous txt messages, which ranged from anger to laughter. I turned to him the most because I knew he would understand EXACTLY what I was feeling and I wasn’t fighting the battle alone. He had turned that day that was filled with tears of sadness and anger into tears of joy and laughter! I saved those text messages from that day because I know that I can go to look at them when I need to laugh. One of my favorite text messages stated, “Best thing about having heart issues, we are told to have red wine, red wine makes me feel so fine.” He turned a negative into a positive, and who doesn’t love some wine J Oh another part of the conversations that day (some were on facebook) was we were arguing  that I may have been the youngest heart attack survivor that many people know, but was I, or Andy, the cutest?! It was the little comments like that which helped cheer me up and realize that I’d survived a year of emotions and I knew I’d be alright. Andy, I know that you are most likely reading this, and I’ve said this over and over, but I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me when I needed it. You’ve been my hero and I’ll always be thankful for you. I hope that on your one year anniversary that I can help you out as much as you helped me.

MY Celebration

I wanted to give myself some kind of “celebration” for my one year, a little reward to myself for making it through a year of ups and downs. I decided to splurge on something that I hadn’t had in a long time, I decided to stop by the Cheesecake Factory and pick up a slice of the Oreo cake, and was it delicious! I think this may just to become a tradition for me; a treat that I can always look forward to year after year.

My celebration-- Oreo cheesecake!

                                              

December: Anticipation, Hope, & Courage

I have a big day coming up; I have my yearly checkup on Monday, December 3. Again, I’m scared to death but also anxious at the same time. I’m sure that I’m going to have numerous tests done. I’m anxious to see if my heart is continuing to heal and hopeful that some of my medications will be dismissed. But I’m also scared that something will be wrong. (Yes, I’m just most likely making myself scared over nothing, but that’s the fear that comes along with having a heart attack). So, I ask you all to say a prayer for me that day that I will have good news. I will keep you all updated.

I’m sorry that this post is so long, but I wanted to give an update on what’s been going on over the past few months. There is a topic that I haven’t discussed, which is anxiety Vs. chest pains. That’s consumed a lot of my life lately as well, that will be talked about on my next post.