Thursday, May 10, 2012

Sadness, Anger, Anxiety, & Hope

I planned on blogging about my cardio rehabilitation Program, but that can wait. I'm not going to be lie; it's been an emotional past week. I've had several break downs, lots of anger, and a whole lot of anxiety.

Last Thursday morning, I heard some news that was very much unexpected and very shocking. One of my good friends from my hometown area had a heart attack. When I found this out, I couldn’t believe it and completely broke down. He is also in his 20s, so he's also pretty young to have had a heart attack. He had some chest pains and went to the hospital in St. Marys. I'm from a small hometown, so the hospital isn’t that big and doesn’t have all the capabilities that other hospitals do. He ended up being careflighted to a bigger hospital, which has a cardiology unit. He had a 100% blockage in one of his arteries and had to have a stent put in. He was in the hospital for a few days to recover and was released to recover at home. He is doing well and will continue to recover. The doctors still do not know why he had a heart attack, and like me, they may never know. The lesson that I want everyone to learn from this is that you CANNOT ignore the warning signs. Thank the lord my friend didn’t ignore his signs and got help right away.

I felt a whole lot of emotions when I learned about my friend. It was so hard to believe. I was overwhelmed with emotions and had cried several times. It brought brought back all of my memories of the day that I had my heart attack. I was angry and upset. I hated that he was going through the same thing I did. I hated that his family was also going through what my family had been through. I hated that the doctors couldn’t give him an explanation. I hated everything about the situation.

I knew that he would have a long road ahead of him and he would also probably have some melt downs like I do (You know guys can't always be tough :) ). However, I also knew that he would be a MUCH STRONGER person after going through this. I also think that he will be a great advocate of being heart healthy. I also knew that his family would become a stronger family too. These simple facts made me smile.

I know that everyone in my life is supporting me through all of this and I know they will continue to do so. I cannot thank my family and friends enough for being there for me. Everyone's support is simply amazing. However, I know I'm being selfish when I say this, but I now have a friend, who's been through the same exact thing that I've been through, who knows exactly what it feels like. It will be nice to be able to talk to him about it all. I know that I joked to him about being heart attack buddies, but it's the truth! Heck if both of us can get through a heart attack, we can get through ANYTHING!!

I had another very emotional day on Sunday night. I think it was one of the nights that I had cried the most in an hour, but this was a GOOD cry and it felt so damn good. On Sunday morning, my sister and two cousins participated in the mini-marathon in Pittsburgh (Steeler County!!!). This was the first mini for my sister and cousin, my other cousin does them all the time; however, this was her first time walking in it. I'm going to share with you the story from my cousins blog:

   "We had an awesome pace and felt that we could get to the finish line in 3 hours.  Our race goal was to get it under 3:15.  At mile 6 we felt that we would be able to complete this task as we were on target, but the hills were ugly and the sun was hot.  You could tell the excitement was starting to change around mile 9.5 all that matter to us now was the finish line.

I told the girls that the last three miles is always the hardest part of a race because everything starts to hurt and the mind starts playing tricks on you.  That is when it started to change for one of my cousins.  I was getting worried as miss fast walker asked if we could slow our pace down.  I took the water I had and poured some over her back.  She looked like she was fading and I didn't want her to drop this close to the end.

We slowed our pace down, I knew we would not get to the finish line for our 3 hour mark but I knew we would finish under 3:15.  I kept telling the girls come on we only have 1.3 to go, we got this.  The struggle continued and I knew we had to walk for something.  I said... okay girls let's do this last mile for Grandpa (God Bless him in Heaven on May 5th he has been gone for 14 years).  I prayed to Grandpa and asked him to send us the strength we needed to get to that steel finish line. 

I believe our crazy loving Grandpa helped all three of us because once we saw the finish line we knew no doubt we would reach it.  One of my cousins started to cry because all her hard work paid off.  Both of them never knew they could do something like this but deep down I knew they had the heart to do it.....after all we come from the same blood.  I even got teary eyed under my glasses because i was proud of what they accomplished.""


There was something about this experience that my sister and cousins had that sparked something in me. I had been through a heart attack and now dealing with coronary heart disease, but I told myself If I can get through that then I can push myself into truly becoming heart healthy. I was done feeling sorry for myself and was going to do something about it. I wasn’t going to allow the heart attack and heart disease run my life anymore; I was going to do something about it. With that being said, I'm determined to accomplish some big dreams and goals, and one of them is to participate in a mini marathon. I want to feel the accomplishment and the emotions of crossing the finish line.


Lesson to be learned: Be thankful for each and every day. If you have a health condition, try not to let it ruin and run your life. Enjoy life and all that it has to offer.

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