Reflections

I sincerely apologize to anyone that has been following my blog, I have been terrible about updating it. A lot has happened over the past several months, so I have a lot to share. This post will most likely be a long one, happy reading!

August: Relaxation & 100 days celebration

I was able to take a week of vacation and went back to St. Marys for our annual town festival. I was looking forward to this for a long time! Every year, the friends that I graduated with from high school get together and play in a softball tournament against other teams. This is by far my favorite time of the summer; it’s so much fun catching up with old friends! I was even more excited for this year’s summerfest because it was a time to celebrate with Andy, (fellow heart attack friend). We were celebrating Andy’s 100th day since his heart attack! It was time to realize and be proud of what we both had been through. I know I’ve said this before but no one can truly understand what it’s like unless you’ve had a heart attack. Again, I’m being selfish, but I am glad that Andy is able to go on this journey with me. He has been such a wonderful friend and certainly a blessing.  During that weekend, I did have an episode with chest pains, I had to take a nitro and sit out a couple of the games. I was frustrated and mad but had to make myself realize that I hadn’t picked up a softball bat in over two years and my body just wasn’t used to it. Although I didn’t get to play as much as I wanted to, I was just happy to be there with all of my awesome friends. Andy, on the other hand, was a champ that weekend. He was our star pitcher and you would never have known he had a heart attack.  I’m not going to lie; it was a little emotional watching him!  I of course, had to snap some pictures!



Andy pitching during one of our games.



September-October: Not so fast

Overall, I’ve been pretty healthy, heart wise, over the past several months. I did have another episode in September, but thankfully, I was okay. I’ve been doing zumba for awhile now, it’s an exercise that I find very enjoyable and it’s a wonderful workout. Well during a Thursday night class, I had a new instructor and she was pretty intense. The YMCA changes the schedule every 8-9 weeks, so there are chances that there could be a new instructor. Well, during the middle of the class, I started not feeling good.  The next thing I found myself passed out on the floor. I ended up getting my heart rate too high and my heart just wasn’t ready to handle such an intense workout. I had felt fine after a few minutes and didn’t even need to take a nitro! (big plus). I knew that I had just pushed myself past my limit. Needless to say, this was a good reminder that although I think I may be ready for a more intense workout, my heart is just not up to it yet.

November- Fear & Emotions

Heading into the month of November, I knew that it would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be nearly has hard as it was. I had my heart attack on November 8, 2011, so my one year anniversary was two weeks ago.  Let me tell you something, it was not easy. I was full of emotions (good & bad), flashbacks, and lots of fear and anxiety. The days leading up to the big 1 year were not fun at all. Thankfully, I’ve been seeing my psychologist for awhile and she prepared me with some ways to cope with it. Some of you might be thinking why is Kristy seeing a psychologist? Well, it’s one of the best decisions that I could have ever made and I’m neither ashamed nor embarrassed about it. I had a really rough time after, and still, have a hard time of understanding why I had a heart attack. I’m not going to lie, I’m mad as hell that I had one and that the doctors cannot tell me why I had one. That’s one question that I always want an answer to, but unfortunately, I will never know. I also have a huge fear that I will have another one. Talking to a psychologist really helps me get my feelings out without having the constant fear of being judged on what I’m thinking. If you know me, one thing that you already know is that I’m a very stubborn person (thanks dad and gma katt!) and I hate to bother others with my problems. I will always rely on my parents and sisters for support and can talk to them, but I don’t want to put a burden on them. I know that’s what families are for, and I’m really trying to be able to get over that, but for now, a psychologist is the best person to turn to. She has been simply amazing over the past few months and she sure does pull a lot out of me, but it’s making me realize that I am a stronger person then what I give myself credit for. The meetings are long and emotional but they are really helping. With that being said, I suggested to anyone who has issues with anything and just needs to talk to someone, seek out the help of a counselor! Don’t be ashamed of it, everyone has problems and fears.

November 8, 2012- The big day

So the big one year anniversary came, that day was filled with tears, anger, but also lots of laughter. I really leaned on my family and friends that day, and thank the lord for that. I’m pretty sure I called my mom and dad a couple of times that day, and the day before and after, and just cried on the phone. And you know what they did? They just listened and that is exactly what I needed. But again, I think the hero of that day for me was Andy. God bless him for putting up with my numerous txt messages, which ranged from anger to laughter. I turned to him the most because I knew he would understand EXACTLY what I was feeling and I wasn’t fighting the battle alone. He had turned that day that was filled with tears of sadness and anger into tears of joy and laughter! I saved those text messages from that day because I know that I can go to look at them when I need to laugh. One of my favorite text messages stated, “Best thing about having heart issues, we are told to have red wine, red wine makes me feel so fine.” He turned a negative into a positive, and who doesn’t love some wine J Oh another part of the conversations that day (some were on facebook) was we were arguing  that I may have been the youngest heart attack survivor that many people know, but was I, or Andy, the cutest?! It was the little comments like that which helped cheer me up and realize that I’d survived a year of emotions and I knew I’d be alright. Andy, I know that you are most likely reading this, and I’ve said this over and over, but I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me when I needed it. You’ve been my hero and I’ll always be thankful for you. I hope that on your one year anniversary that I can help you out as much as you helped me.

MY Celebration

I wanted to give myself some kind of “celebration” for my one year, a little reward to myself for making it through a year of ups and downs. I decided to splurge on something that I hadn’t had in a long time, I decided to stop by the Cheesecake Factory and pick up a slice of the Oreo cake, and was it delicious! I think this may just to become a tradition for me; a treat that I can always look forward to year after year.

My celebration-- Oreo cheesecake!

                                              

December: Anticipation, Hope, & Courage

I have a big day coming up; I have my yearly checkup on Monday, December 3. Again, I’m scared to death but also anxious at the same time. I’m sure that I’m going to have numerous tests done. I’m anxious to see if my heart is continuing to heal and hopeful that some of my medications will be dismissed. But I’m also scared that something will be wrong. (Yes, I’m just most likely making myself scared over nothing, but that’s the fear that comes along with having a heart attack). So, I ask you all to say a prayer for me that day that I will have good news. I will keep you all updated.

I’m sorry that this post is so long, but I wanted to give an update on what’s been going on over the past few months. There is a topic that I haven’t discussed, which is anxiety Vs. chest pains. That’s consumed a lot of my life lately as well, that will be talked about on my next post.